I wrote this about a year (or two?) ago when I was really frustrated over something. Fortunately, I no longer remember the reason why I was so angry, but I still remember how I repeatedly tried to hurt myself to calm myself down.
I don’t know if I’ve ever told you folks before, but I used to be so much worse when dealing with anger. I’ve always considered myself to be a mostly rational person, but when I get angry, I get really angry; growling, scratching, and all. And whilst I’ve never hurt a fly–much more a person I cared for–in my inglorious fits of wolf-rage, I had always found it strangely helpful to hurt myself. Perhaps the outer pain distracted me from the inner pain?
Below are a few notes I shared (and deleted) on Facebook after I had calmed the fuck down from my unfortunate breakdown:
Do not get in the way of someone who’s angry. (The irony? Avoiding them could be just as bad, too. Sometimes, there’s nowhere else to go. Deal with it.)
Do not argue when a person is taking a crap. Makes things shittier. Remember: shitting is stressful as it is. Do not make things worse by banging your head on the door. That’s going to hurt.
Don’t compare; it isn’t fair. Each person, each moment is different. When you’re older, don’t go, “Well, I never did that to my father”. Obviously, you’re not your child and you’re not your father. Be fair.
Life is not a contest of who’s been more patient with who. For all we know, we’ve each been fighting the same battle at just about the same rate. Know when to call it quits.
Never, ever attempt emotional blackmail on someone you love. It’s cruel.
We each have a right to be angry–and perhaps, also a good reason to be!–but, we have a responsibility to keep our reactions as rational as possible.
You don’t have to be perfect to give advice, but make sure to take your own advice.
As tempting as it sounds, don’t get angry at people who have nothing to do with why you got angry in the first place. They don’t deserve it.
Life is too short for drama. Just because you feel it, no matter how intense, doesn’t make it true. You sometimes feel unwanted, ugly, and useless, but that doesn’t make it true. You sometimes feel people are jerks, doesn’t mean they really are. Again, function as rationally as you can.
Forgiveness isn’t an easy thing and it shouldn’t be forced on anyone. But, trust me when I say forgiving pushes us forward. Forgive, forget, and move on a better person.
Fortunately, I’ve reduced the instances where I go hit-myself-for-being-a-jerk kind of crazy. I guess I figured that it probably wasn’t healthy, so I eventually stopped. Forgiveness is key; starting with oneself.